User blog:The Augster at NK/Please play NM mode correctly

Guys. GUYS. We've been playing Nightmare Mode ALL WRONG! But have no fear! I, tytu, the only player in SAS4 who knows how to do it right, have 13 easy-to-follow tips that will put you on track to best a productive, amazing NM mode player!

Here we go!

1pods: Thepods bestpods mappods topods playpods onpods Therepods ispods onlypods onepods mappods thatpods isn'tpods completepods garbagepods, andpods it'spods Podspods. Podspods ispods quickpods andpods easypods, sopods everypods other pods mappods ispods completelypods uselesspods. HAILpods PODSpods!

2: Strategy Is a waste of time. Screw strategy, there no need to use your brain. This is a shooting game, we shoot things. End of story.

3: Proper use of medkits If you're a medic, you're the most important player of the match. Because your medkits are the only truly reliable thing you can heal your teammates with, it's always a good idea to keep them for yourself, because your filthy, undeserving teammates just can't accept that you are in charge and are the only person that matters. Try to avoid being helpful, that's not the purpose of this game. This is a shooting game, we shoot things. If you die and you're not a medic, that's your fault, you scrub.

4: Guns to use Every single weapons you have needs to have Deadly, Overclocked, and Adaptive, but you also need to core your weapons. If you get a new weapon, regardless of its type and grade, please core it to make it better. We don't want uncored gun scrubs in our 50-74 ranked lobbies, and the other lobbies must agree. If you don't core your weapon, it will suck. Core it.

5: When to use your guns If you have a godly weapon such as a hornet of shockfield, and you're in a lobby with lesser peasants, don't use it. Most people are unworthy of seeing a powerful gun used in a match, and spraying a Hornet's bullets into a boss is just a callous waste of ammo. Just keep your powerful weapons to yourself.

6: Teamwork It's always a good idea to steal medkits from other players, because you are the only person that matters. If one of the other three idiots in the match that happen to have the honor of playing with a skilled gamer such as yourself decide to die like a fly, be sure to tell them what a [REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED] they are! and if you die, tell everyone to run! Your teammates will never be smart enough to figure that out for themselves, so be sure to spam the potatoes out of it!

7: When to start and when to sit there like an @$$hole and do nothing If you're in a public lobby and a level 35 joins, don't start. They don't belong here, they suck! They're going to be completely useless and drag you down, so it's best just to exclude anyone between level 35 and 50 from being able to play nm at all, because they don't help anyone. At all.

8: Speed Go fast. Go really fast. If you're slow, correct that blasphemous error before I Stim Shot you butt! The only good way to ply Podspods is to go super duper fast! If that means spawning way more zombies than even a noble like YOU could handle, so be it! Challlange yourself!

9: Chat etiquette I've already went over what to say to the idiots you must deal with on a daily basis when they die or when you die, but also remember a few things: When a player doespods notpods wantpods topods playpods Podspods, spampods thepods chatpods withpods Podspods untilpods theypods givepods inpods. Be sure to let everyone know how important and skilled you are, and tell everyone that YOU are in charge!

10: When you die When you die, blame it on lag, because that's the only reason why you'd ever die. Duh.

11: Challenge the other players The other idiots playing with you need to grow a backbone. Spawn a crap ton of zombies on them and whip 'em into shape!

12: Encourage your teammates When testing your teammates' endureance results in failiure, be sure to use encouraging, helpful language, such as "YOPU MORON WHAT IS WRONGF WITH YOU GIT GUD CLUB PEGUIN SCRUBLORD ****!" or "**** you!" This really helps improve the morale of crappy players.

13: Smoke w33d Everyday.

Follow these tips, and you will transform from a skrebby nerd to a true, real, awesome, powerful self-centered jerk! Seriously we need more of these kinds of people.